{"id":12784,"date":"2020-04-08T23:59:00","date_gmt":"2020-04-09T03:59:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cpa.ca\/?p=12784"},"modified":"2020-10-16T14:38:15","modified_gmt":"2020-10-16T18:38:15","slug":"daily-audio-update-heather-macintosh-worried-about-domestic-violence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cpa.ca\/fr\/daily-audio-update-heather-macintosh-worried-about-domestic-violence\/","title":{"rendered":"Audio Update: Heather MacIntosh worried about domestic violence"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"100%\" height=\"100\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"no\" allow=\"autoplay\" src=\"https:\/\/w.soundcloud.com\/player\/?url=https%3A\/\/api.soundcloud.com\/tracks\/791558380&amp;color=%23ff5500&amp;auto_play=false&amp;hide_related=false&amp;show_comments=true&amp;show_user=true&amp;show_reposts=false&amp;show_teaser=true&amp;visual=true\" target=\"_blank\"><\/iframe><br>\nStories about increased domestic violence during isolation have Dr. Heather MacIntosh worried. An expert in couples therapy, anxiety, and trauma, Dr. MacIntosh wrote the blog post \u201cCoupling and Trauma in the Context of COVID-19\u201d. She joins us to talk about those worries.<\/p>\n<div id=\"accordions-12771\" class=\"accordions-12771 accordions\" data-accordions={&quot;lazyLoad&quot;:true,&quot;id&quot;:&quot;12771&quot;,&quot;event&quot;:&quot;click&quot;,&quot;collapsible&quot;:&quot;true&quot;,&quot;heightStyle&quot;:&quot;content&quot;,&quot;animateStyle&quot;:&quot;swing&quot;,&quot;animateDelay&quot;:1000,&quot;navigation&quot;:true,&quot;active&quot;:999,&quot;expandedOther&quot;:&quot;no&quot;}>\r\n                <div id=\"accordions-lazy-12771\" class=\"accordions-lazy\" accordionsId=\"12771\">\r\n                    <\/div>\r\n\r\n    <div class=\"items\"  style=\"display:none\" >\r\n    \r\n            <div post_id=\"12771\" itemcount=\"0\"  header_id=\"header-1580324481504\" id=\"header-1580324481504\" style=\"\" class=\"accordions-head head1580324481504 border-none\" toggle-text=\"\" main-text=\"Dr. Heather MacIntosh, worried about domestic violence\">\r\n                                    <span id=\"accordion-icons-1580324481504\" class=\"accordion-icons\">\r\n                        <span class=\"accordion-icon-active accordion-plus\"><i class=\"fa fas fa-chevron-up\"><\/i><\/span>\r\n                        <span class=\"accordion-icon-inactive accordion-minus\"><i class=\"fa fas fa-chevron-down\"><\/i><\/span>\r\n                    <\/span>\r\n                    <span id=\"header-text-1580324481504\" class=\"accordions-head-title\">Dr. Heather MacIntosh, worried about domestic violence<\/span>\r\n                            <\/div>\r\n            <div class=\"accordion-content content1580324481504 \">\r\n                <h2>Dr Heather MacIntosh what worries you most<\/h2>\n<p><strong>You said your blog post was inspired by news stories warning of a rise in domestic violence while people were being encouraged to stay home, and you said this worried you a great deal. What worries you most?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>One of the things that happens a lot \u2013 if you\u2019re a couples therapist this will resonate with you \u2013 is that couples will come in well down the road in their distress. So they don\u2019t often come in at the point where we\u2019re doing preventative health, they come in at the point where they\u2019re very distressed. And one of the things that a couple will often say at the beginning of a session will be something like \u201cI held onto this to discuss it here, because I was afraid that it would explode if I tried to talk about it at home\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>Often couples who are in a lot of distress are dealing with what we call \u2018emotional disregulation\u2019, so difficulty handling the emotions they\u2019re having about the distress that they have with their partner. Because of course we know that while partners can be the people who help us feel better, when things aren\u2019t going well they can also be the person who makes us feel worse. So one of my real concerns is that putting couples into isolation together, adding children without childcare, animals, financial difficulties, we\u2019re raising the level of stress and reducing the level of support.<\/p>\n<p>Depending on the context for this couple or family, this could be something that brings them together, and helps them build a sense of closeness and an identity as a family unit. But it can also, in the context where there might be a history of trauma, or a history of distress in this couple relationship, it can also be the thing that pushes them over the edge in terms of their ability to cope with the distress they\u2019re having.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes even just going for a walk can help us blow off a little steam, for lack of a better word. And what we\u2019re being told is that unless it\u2019s that once-a-week trip for groceries, we shouldn\u2019t be leaving the house.<\/p>\n<p>So my concern was that for many \u2013 and I\u2019ll speak for myself \u2013 I work ongoingly with couples who have a history of trauma, and we had sessions the week before the world basically locked down, and that was that. So even couples who have been in therapy for various reasons some of them have not been able to continue therapy virtually. Now all of a sudden there they are at home alone, in their distress, with more financial pressures, more things to worry about, and none of the supports they had before.<\/p>\n<p><strong>I imagine that even for those who are able to do long-distance therapy, it\u2019s a difficult thing for them because they\u2019re doing it from their home, where their partner lives.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Yes, that\u2019s part of it. But there\u2019s a debate \u2013 should people learn how to do individual therapy first, or should they learn how to do couples therapy and group therapy first? There are people who say that if you learn how to do individual therapy first, couples therapy is going to be overwhelming. Others say learn how to do couples therapy first because then individual therapy will be less stressful.<\/p>\n<p>The reality is, when you\u2019re doing individual therapy, even on Zoom or one of these platforms, the relationship that you\u2019re working on is the relationship between you and your therapist. And if you have a conflict with that person, part of the therapy is trying to figure out how to work that through. It\u2019s part of what makes the therapy helpful, having what we call a \u2018rupture\u2019 or something that doesn\u2019t go so well, and figuring it out.<\/p>\n<p>But that person, the therapist, is not your wife. It\u2019s not your child. It\u2019s not, for lack of a better term, the \u201creal attachment relationship\u201d with the person you\u2019re connected with. And you also get to go home after your therapy session. Imagine then, when we put partners together in therapy, especially when there\u2019s a history of trauma, either between the couple or in their past, the emotional intensity of those sessions goes way way up.<\/p>\n<p>Part of what we\u2019re doing is helping the couple manage that emotional intensity but still trying to resolve the difficulties that brought them in in the first place. So it\u2019s a more complicated juggling of emotional arousal. Doing that over the internet where the two people are together \u2013 and maybe they\u2019ve got kids around and the dogs are barking \u2013 is going to be a higher octane experience than going off into the bedroom, shutting the door, and talking to your individual therapist.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m also a little worried about how we\u2019re going to manage that piece of things. Because while we want to continue to offer support, it\u2019s really essential that we don\u2019t make things worse.<\/p>\n            <\/div>\r\n    <\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n            <\/div><hr>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"100%\" height=\"100\" scrolling=\"no\" frameborder=\"no\" allow=\"autoplay\" src=\"https:\/\/w.soundcloud.com\/player\/?url=https%3A\/\/api.soundcloud.com\/tracks\/791558380&#038;color=%23ff5500&#038;auto_play=false&#038;hide_related=false&#038;show_comments=true&#038;show_user=true&#038;show_reposts=false&#038;show_teaser=true&#038;visual=true\" target=\"_blank\"><\/iframe><br \/>\nStories about increased domestic violence during isolation have Dr. Heather MacIntosh worried. An expert in couples therapy, anxiety, and trauma, Dr. MacIntosh wrote the blog post \u201cCoupling and Trauma in the Context of COVID-19\u201d. She joins us to talk about those worries.<\/p>\n<div id=\"accordions-12771\" class=\"accordions-12771 accordions\" data-accordions={&quot;lazyLoad&quot;:true,&quot;id&quot;:&quot;12771&quot;,&quot;event&quot;:&quot;click&quot;,&quot;collapsible&quot;:&quot;true&quot;,&quot;heightStyle&quot;:&quot;content&quot;,&quot;animateStyle&quot;:&quot;swing&quot;,&quot;animateDelay&quot;:1000,&quot;navigation&quot;:true,&quot;active&quot;:999,&quot;expandedOther&quot;:&quot;no&quot;}>\r\n                <div id=\"accordions-lazy-12771\" class=\"accordions-lazy\" accordionsId=\"12771\">\r\n                    <\/div>\r\n\r\n    <div class=\"items\"  style=\"display:none\" >\r\n    \r\n            <div post_id=\"12771\" itemcount=\"0\"  header_id=\"header-1580324481504\" id=\"header-1580324481504\" style=\"\" class=\"accordions-head head1580324481504 border-none\" toggle-text=\"\" main-text=\"Dr. Heather MacIntosh, worried about domestic violence\">\r\n                                    <span id=\"accordion-icons-1580324481504\" class=\"accordion-icons\">\r\n                        <span class=\"accordion-icon-active accordion-plus\"><i class=\"fa fas fa-chevron-up\"><\/i><\/span>\r\n                        <span class=\"accordion-icon-inactive accordion-minus\"><i class=\"fa fas fa-chevron-down\"><\/i><\/span>\r\n                    <\/span>\r\n                    <span id=\"header-text-1580324481504\" class=\"accordions-head-title\">Dr. Heather MacIntosh, worried about domestic violence<\/span>\r\n                            <\/div>\r\n            <div class=\"accordion-content content1580324481504 \">\r\n                <h2>Dr Heather MacIntosh what worries you most<\/h2>\n<p><strong>You said your blog post was inspired by news stories warning of a rise in domestic violence while people were being encouraged to stay home, and you said this worried you a great deal. What worries you most?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>One of the things that happens a lot \u2013 if you\u2019re a couples therapist this will resonate with you \u2013 is that couples will come in well down the road in their distress. So they don\u2019t often come in at the point where we\u2019re doing preventative health, they come in at the point where they\u2019re very distressed. And one of the things that a couple will often say at the beginning of a session will be something like \u201cI held onto this to discuss it here, because I was afraid that it would explode if I tried to talk about it at home\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>Often couples who are in a lot of distress are dealing with what we call \u2018emotional disregulation\u2019, so difficulty handling the emotions they\u2019re having about the distress that they have with their partner. Because of course we know that while partners can be the people who help us feel better, when things aren\u2019t going well they can also be the person who makes us feel worse. So one of my real concerns is that putting couples into isolation together, adding children without childcare, animals, financial difficulties, we\u2019re raising the level of stress and reducing the level of support.<\/p>\n<p>Depending on the context for this couple or family, this could be something that brings them together, and helps them build a sense of closeness and an identity as a family unit. But it can also, in the context where there might be a history of trauma, or a history of distress in this couple relationship, it can also be the thing that pushes them over the edge in terms of their ability to cope with the distress they\u2019re having.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes even just going for a walk can help us blow off a little steam, for lack of a better word. And what we\u2019re being told is that unless it\u2019s that once-a-week trip for groceries, we shouldn\u2019t be leaving the house.<\/p>\n<p>So my concern was that for many \u2013 and I\u2019ll speak for myself \u2013 I work ongoingly with couples who have a history of trauma, and we had sessions the week before the world basically locked down, and that was that. So even couples who have been in therapy for various reasons some of them have not been able to continue therapy virtually. Now all of a sudden there they are at home alone, in their distress, with more financial pressures, more things to worry about, and none of the supports they had before.<\/p>\n<p><strong>I imagine that even for those who are able to do long-distance therapy, it\u2019s a difficult thing for them because they\u2019re doing it from their home, where their partner lives.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Yes, that\u2019s part of it. But there\u2019s a debate \u2013 should people learn how to do individual therapy first, or should they learn how to do couples therapy and group therapy first? There are people who say that if you learn how to do individual therapy first, couples therapy is going to be overwhelming. Others say learn how to do couples therapy first because then individual therapy will be less stressful.<\/p>\n<p>The reality is, when you\u2019re doing individual therapy, even on Zoom or one of these platforms, the relationship that you\u2019re working on is the relationship between you and your therapist. And if you have a conflict with that person, part of the therapy is trying to figure out how to work that through. It\u2019s part of what makes the therapy helpful, having what we call a \u2018rupture\u2019 or something that doesn\u2019t go so well, and figuring it out.<\/p>\n<p>But that person, the therapist, is not your wife. It\u2019s not your child. It\u2019s not, for lack of a better term, the \u201creal attachment relationship\u201d with the person you\u2019re connected with. And you also get to go home after your therapy session. Imagine then, when we put partners together in therapy, especially when there\u2019s a history of trauma, either between the couple or in their past, the emotional intensity of those sessions goes way way up.<\/p>\n<p>Part of what we\u2019re doing is helping the couple manage that emotional intensity but still trying to resolve the difficulties that brought them in in the first place. So it\u2019s a more complicated juggling of emotional arousal. Doing that over the internet where the two people are together \u2013 and maybe they\u2019ve got kids around and the dogs are barking \u2013 is going to be a higher octane experience than going off into the bedroom, shutting the door, and talking to your individual therapist.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m also a little worried about how we\u2019re going to manage that piece of things. Because while we want to continue to offer support, it\u2019s really essential that we don\u2019t make things worse.<\/p>\n            <\/div>\r\n    <\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n            <\/div>\n<hr>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[132],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12784","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-archivedailyaudiofr"],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"publishpress_future_action":{"enabled":false,"date":"2026-05-26 23:32:09","action":"change-status","newStatus":"draft","terms":[],"taxonomy":"category","extraData":[]},"publishpress_future_workflow_manual_trigger":{"enabledWorkflows":[]},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/cpa.ca\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12784","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/cpa.ca\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/cpa.ca\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cpa.ca\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cpa.ca\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12784"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/cpa.ca\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12784\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":16660,"href":"https:\/\/cpa.ca\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12784\/revisions\/16660"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/cpa.ca\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12784"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cpa.ca\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12784"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/cpa.ca\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12784"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}